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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?: A Woman' Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go |
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| Author: Patricia Evans Published: 2006-10-01 |
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List price: $14.95 Our price: $10.17 |
Usually ships in 24 hours As of: December 01st, 2008 03:10:17 PM |
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Customer comments on this selection. The Verbally Abusive Man Can He Change?I recommend this to ANY woman who is having relationship issues not just those who are completely aware of verbal abuse. If you find after a few years in the relationship that you are no longer who you use to be, or you feel like your going crazy for no apparent reason... or have uneasiness whenever your significant other is around but you can't pinpoint why - there is no physical abuse going on... you just constantly feel like your walking on egg shells. it may be verbal abuse that is going on, and this is something that is hardly recognized by anyone, even trained counselors unless they are trained in verbal abuse.  most insightful and eye-openingI read this book and presented the "Agreement" to my husband about one month ago. First off - It really got his attention! He was almost speechless for a few days! It has made a remarkable difference in the tone around our house. He read about half the book and is now reading "Controlling People" also by Patricia Evans. He admitted that he has done "some of that and doesn't want to do it anymore." The Verbal Abuse Level is down by about 75 % or so! Not only has he stopped most of his verbal abuse, but I've stopped tolerating it, so I'm feeling better about that. I know this isn't all that needs to be done to heal our relationship. I do believe it is a major beginning in tackling the behaviors that have caused a great deal of pain in our relationship. I recommend this book to anyone willing to do the work and follow through with the agreement! A Lifesaving ReferenceThis book is amazing in how true to the real life situation of verbal abuse it is. All I have to do after hearing my husband plead that he is changing is read a chapter or two of this book and I realize he is not changing at all. Ms. Evans tells us how to determine whether or not all of the criteria for change are being met as well as gently guides us to a deeper understanding of verbal abuse through real-life examples and well structured chapters. Happy... but...I am very happy Patricia wrote this book and I appreciate her work very much and have recommended it to a lot of women, but I would also like to recommend all of you to also read "Why does he do that". It is written by a man called Lundy who has worked with hundreds of abusive men in his clinic. I think his book is the best one around on this topic, it was an eye opener for me and I never allowed myself to be abused again after reading "Why does he do that". Because this book made it so clear what the game is the abuser plays. Lundy tells us that only a few brave men change. Why is that? Because being abusive pays off - abusive men get to manipulate others and have them do what they want them to do. It is a POWER OVER game! Most abusive men do not want to see what they have done, it takes a lot a courage to face your own deamons. So most do not change. They go on and find another lady to abuse. When you feel abused, you are abused! Do not allow such thing in your life for any reason what so ever. It's not worth it. And relationships without respect just does not last. An important resource for determining if an abusive man can changeCommunication specialist Patricia Evans explores the issue of verbal abuse in heterosexual relationships. She builds on her previous work in The Verbally Abusive Relationship and Controlling People by posing the question, "Can a verbally abusive man really change?" What is particularly startling about verbal abuse, Evans explains, is that in almost every case the abuser feels that he is the one being attacked. (Rarely, abusers are female, but such cases aren't discussed in this book.) Getting him to own up to his damaging behavior is not easy. Motivating him to change is even more difficult. Evans supplies tools you can use to determine if your partner is likely to change and a program that can help him do so, if you think he can alter his abusive behavior. Evans uses her book as a pulpit to preach against unqualified therapists, verbal abuse in all its forms and the male-dominated society that has made such abuse possible. But, her cause is just, and we recommend this important resource to anyone who is struggling to survive an abusive relationship and to therapists who are seeking solid information. |
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