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The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever |
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| Author: Scott Haltzman Published: 2007-01-02 |
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List price: $14.95 Our price: $10.17 |
Usually ships in 24 hours As of: December 01st, 2008 02:41:40 PM |
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Customer comments on this selection. A Problem DiscoveredWhat this book reveals partially, and many female reviewers on here verify, is the false notion in society that equality means no difference between the sexes. God said 'let us make THEM is OUR image'. Men are to provide, protect, and lead. Women are to respond to their husband, raise the children. This doesn't mean men don't do dishes and women don't work--we're talking primary area of responsibility. We've somehow messed this up and that's not called sexist, when in fact it's simply a Biblical truth as to how man and woman was created. Until both sexes get this fact, they'll all be miserable. I Really Wanted To Give You 5 StarsBut you didn't address the issue housecleaning. It was sort of a mute point. Married couples are happier when the woman does most the domestic work, I'm not telling you to quit your job, but it's a proven fact. I mean, that summarizes the very small section you dedicate in this book to domestic work. Yet in your other book you encourage men to be more helpful. That really made me irate. I really quit reading this book at this point. The largest fault of our marriage, was dividing domestic work. BUT~ Don't let this stop you from reading the book. He doesn't bring that issue up until near the end of the book! I actually give this book to my girlfriends with marital problems also. It really taught me how to confront my husband, and be PROACTIVE. Understand how he ticks, and how some "positive reinforcement" when your hubby is good will encourage him to do more. Not to criticize, but encourage :) Using the tools the author offered up to communicate with my husband (Touching him when communicating) really helped. My husband served me divorce papers. I refused to sign for financial reasons, but sat down and thought about it for 24 hours. When my husband arrived the next day. I sat him down, grabbed his hand, looked him deep in the eyes and said "I love you. I wouldn't of married you if I didn't love you. I have made a lot of mistakes - WE have made a lot of mistakes. We both have a lot of growing up to do, and we can change together. I want to change with you, and be with you the rest of my life. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I will forgive you, and we can try to forge our love again." It worked. He dropped a little tear, and we have been PERFECT ever since. He does things without being told, and is much more focussed on his family when he is here. This book will give you examples, and the tools to communicate on a level with your husband in which he WILL understand for once. In all reality, this book really saved my marriage. It filled my empty tool box. (I just really wish you would do something about the domestic duties chapter. My husband actually just showed up one day and started cleaning. No guidance from your book... AH! Make another edition!)  Worth your timeI bought this book for my live-in boyfriend who is dragging his feet about getting married. Needless to say, we haven't always gone about things the right way and our relationship hasn't exactly been perfect. So, I've read a LOT of relationship books lately. I decided I had better check it out before I handed over something that would overwhelm him if it was going to be THE book I gave him. And this is, by far, the best and most practical book I've read yet. It was just as beneficial a read for me as I think it would be for him. Let me also just say that I am not a good reader- 20 pages at a time at BEST. This book was written in lay terms and the pages flew by. I read 270 pages in 3 days. It was really clear and really engaging. It was an easy read that I looked forward to. Don't get discouraged by one of the first chapters with all the brain and chemical stuff. It's only one chapter and the rest of the book is NOT like that. I plan to get it for many of the men I know for these reasons: It is reaffirming for men. It says that most therapists don't have proper couple's training and licensing and that they insist that men act more like women. That is why men feel so frustrated. So, it gives real and practical suggestions and suggests that men approach a marriage from the same perspective that a man would approach his job- an area he generally feels pretty competent in. I think most men will like and can relate to this. I found the author to be very pro-woman in his approach without demeaning men. He placed a high and equal value on both partners in the relationship. He just suggested that both need to reevaluate the way they look at things and that a change in attitude can go a long way. Also guys, I found that he touched on every subject that I can think women take issue with or are confused by. As I was reading his suggestions, I think I would be truly happy with the outcome if they were applied; not expecting perfection, but recongnizing the effort. Don't ignore ANY sections because they are all things that are important to women- even the ones he spends only a paragraph on. Basically, that was what I interpreted his approach to be- to help you understand the way we view things and why we make your life miserable because of it. ;) If you are going to try any relationship help book, I would suggest this one for men (but also valuable for women). You won't feel overwhelmed, it's practical, and it is written in a way you will enjoy reading it. A recipe for marital satisfactionAt the conclusion of the introduction to his book, The Secrets of Happily Married Men, Dr.Scott Hazelton writes that it is not his aim to merely assist in making marriages okay, he wants to help make them great! At the outset of the book, he creates a "job description" for husbands. He calls it; The First Way: Make Your Marriage Your Job The following seven chapters enourage the reader to work toward that goal. From the Secrets of MarriedMen.com, Dr. Scott shares the following observation by a man named Frank, age 48, married for 25 years; You both must give 100 percent of yourself in your marriage if you want it to work. Love her the same as you did when you dated and make her feel like the most important thing on earth. You had better find the time or you will find yourself divorced. If you can't find the time to do this, why did you ever get married? Hazelman reiterates a conclusion that was made by Gottman which says after tempers flare and hurtful things are said, the future of a relationship depends on how the couple makes up-or at least engages in some sort of damage control. He goes on to say that a husband's greatest challenge is to foster, within his wife's heart, a real and lasting faith that she can trust him. Great Book!Its a great book for him to read and if he does it works wonders for us! |
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